Who is the Boss - You or Your Fears? Address that in 5 Steps

Get better at (almost) anything with these 5 steps and adopt new habits. You’ll get a practical guide for a quick relaxing breathing at the end of this article.

Photo by Gia Oris on Unsplash

So, you really want to start something new to improve your life? Maybe it's a new nutritional diet, to actually gain weight and muscle mass(like me), a side-hustle business idea that you ‘ve been postponing for months or years or trying to wake up earlier every day, introduce 15 minutes morning exercise routine or learn kundalini yoga, take a barista course,  eat less sugar or finally declutter your wardrobe or basement?

But, let’s be honest: most of us struggle to stick with new projects and habits, we postpone this big day of trying something new, quitting “bad” habits and doing anything else that will be more beneficial for us!

What is stopping you and how?

Let’s call it: A Structured Path to Transformation

This “annoying” process of transforming an idea into a habit and eventually into a part of one’s identity is achievable, and here is a structured approach to this transformation process:

A good old Comfort Zone:: We are all guilty here (me too)

Our comfort zone is like our favorite old sneakers - comfortable but not exactly what I would wear to a job interview or in a fancy restaurant. 

We stay in our comfort zone because it feels safe, easy, predictable.

And then there’s also our ego, scared of looking powerless and wrong, if we fail or even afraid of “what if I finally succeed” (this famous-"not being good enough").

Never-ending Excuse: “Oh, I’m just too Busy”

Because this is the easiest card to play, as it sounds legitimate: I am juggling my job, solo-preneurship, family, sports, healthy eating, daily cooking, socializing, and I also need to relax by watching my favorite series 1-3 times a week? 

Does it sound like you a little bit?

When on Earth, am I supposed to find more time and energy to finally start a serie of new great habits, which are certainly so beneficial, because I have tried several times… and I guess this wasn't so important for me, therefore, I am starting a new endeavor, someday.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

However, my dear reader, we haven’t lost it yet!

Our famous procrastination steps on the scene: yes, this sophisticated defense mechanism against too much discomfort of new challenges is wicked.

We put off starting morning 15-30 minutes exercises, morning or evening meditation, morning breathing practice, due to lack of sleep, low energy and not opening your eyes properly without a first morning coffee. The list goes on…

Fear and Overthinking Every Step

This whispering fear of not succeeding or even succeeding is always subconsciously there. We overthink and make up all possible scenarios: “I need a better camera and better setting for shooting these new videos(yes it’s me) or I need more time for writing and I need some peace of mind and self-care time daily.”

I am lying  to myself, you are lying to yourself, we are all lying!

Because it takes discipline, it takes your strong decision to grow into a new, calmer, more focused and efficient, yourself!

And often, when we do start, after a few attempts, that were not to our desired “standard”, we simply quit.

Myth of Self-Sufficiency- “I can always do this alone”

Figuring it out on your own with free videos and articles is certainly a way to self-improvement. 

Self-help education will probably lack structured guidance, peer group knowledge exchange, motivation, because without genuine guidance and accountability, it’s easy to get lost.

Without a clear framework or support system, your learning journey can quickly become overwhelming, leading you to abandon your new goal within a week. It happened to me many times in the past.

Making It Stick with a Minimum Resistance Trick.

Try several Reminder Techniques:

1. Choose Specific Moments: Identify at least three specific moments in your day when you can easily practice 'Water Breath.' These could be when you wake up, during your lunch break, and before you go to bed.

2. Link with existing Habit/Routine: Associate each of these moments with an existing habit. For instance, after you brush your teeth in the morning,  at the start of your lunch break, when you finish your office/home - office work for the day.

3. Set Alarms or Notifications: Perhaps you need regular reminders—use your cellphone to set alarms or reminders for these specific moments. Label them with "Relaxing Breath." When the alarm goes off, it's your moment to pause and practice.

4. Visual Cues: Place small reminders in your surroundings. For example, a sticky note on your bathroom mirror in the morning or a note on your desk at work. These visual cues will prompt you to take a mindful moment.

5. Mindful Breath Buddy: Choose a friend, colleague, or family member to join you in this practice. Share your chosen times with them and encourage each other. You can even send a quick text to remind each other.

Alright, here is a Summary: how to make a new habit stick, and actually (even) enjoy doing it: 

1. Start today or tomorrow morning- NO big planning: check your schedule and squeeze this habit to be made in your day. Usually, it's the smallest steps we take daily or weekly in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.

2. Repetition is the key: Plan your new daily actions in your phone calendar, squeeze them in between meals(writing, working out), make it an easy to repeat routine. Our goal is to do it without even thinking, like an urge to drink a cup of water, you don't overthink, you just do it. Consistency is key. 

3. Become part of a peer group- online forums, friends trying to achieve the same goal, or buy a membership, find a mentor.

4. Address your fears: you don’t have to work with a psychologist to figure this out: take 30 minutes( yes it sound a lot!) make a list of all your failed or postponed plans and ideas, write- your reasons for not starting or not going through, analyse patterns, sleep on that, repeat this exercise tomorrow, talk to your partner, or your best friend and act on that.

5. Embrace this New You in making: 

You're not just trying something new, you're becoming a new version of You. 

Your Identity Shift: by introducing Your new minimum Standard, over time, this habit will integrate into your identity. You’re no longer someone trying to practice a healthy habit; you are that healthy habit: I am a writer-so I write daily even if it's 15 minutes, I am a yoga teacher, so I practice yoga daily, I am a runner, so I run daily.

Photo by Dan Gold on Unsplash

Now Let’s Get Moving and Breathing!

Grab that focused breath and kick your new habits in the butt.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is stressful and resistance will follow.

With a little bit of planning and some support, you can make your new habit a successful part of your life.

Start: Taking that first step is crucial, even if it’s small. Begin by defining clear, manageable goals.

Let’s finish with a relaxing breathing sequence.

4:8 Relaxing Breathing

To begin, lie down on your back or sit comfortably in a chair (your spine is straight but at the same time relaxed).

Place your right hand on your heart and your left hand on your abdomen. 

Your right hand should remain still, your left hand should rise and fall with every breath, as we practice. 

Close your eyes. Chin is parallel to the floow, check your jaw, is it tensed or relaxed?

Your shoulders are also relaxed, do not pull them up toward your ears.

We’ll double the length of the exhale to relax our autonomic nervous system.

Now, we will take 5 breaths (inhale and exhale is one breahting cycle) and inhale to the count of 4, always through you nose and exhale, to the count of 8, also through your nose.

With every inhale and exhale your diaphragm is working, your abdomen is raising, while on every exhale feel the abdomen fall back gently.

This will increase the relaxation response. Your job is to control your exhale, so you can slowly let the breath out without running out of air. 

Let’s begin. 

Inhale 1-2-3-4

Exhale 8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Inhale 1-2-3-4

Exhale 8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Inhale 1-2-3-4

Exhale 8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Inhale 1-2-3-4

Exhale 8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Inhale 1-2-3-4

Exhale 8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Relax both hands down at your sides. Eyes remain closed. Breath is natural.

Let me know how this felt for you, your senstations.

Did you struggle to feel relaxed while counting and breathing?

To Your Breath!